A & R Tinsley

Ok, here goes. You hear that you will never understand the loss of mother or father if both of yours are still living. You hear people say that they don’t do anything for me anyway. The simple fact is everyday that you take a breath means that they gave you that opportunity. You may no agree with some of their actions, or some of the things they say but they are still your parents. I do not understand how you can choose not to communicate with your parents yet expect support from them. Please allow me to explain, if your life is better by their actions. Something as simple as giving you a ride, providing you an occasional meal, or even providing something that your child may need. I have lost both parents and all four grandparents and it hurts not to have the ability to even say “how are you today?.

Have you ever felt as if you are falling down a rabbit hole and are unable to stop. Over the past 27 years or so I have found that I average a little over 4 hours of sleep a night. Recently I have found myself going from watching the darkness of the night change to getting ready for work more regularly. Through the day you see that the constant pain in you back, legs and hands as more of an uncomfortable factor of life that just reminds you that you haven’t decided to stop the pain. You go about your day and sit back just to hope that the people that you see on a daily basis such as co-workers and even family members don’t notice the tremors of you hands shaking or the muscles spasms in your arms, legs and your upper body which occur randomly and without warning. You find yourself working from a less occupied offices or keeping the door closed in order to give the appearance that you are on the phone with the hope that no one enters.

Some days you work from your home office which helps to an extent until you realize that the tremors in you hands have begun to gotten to the to the point that it is getting difficult to use the mouse or keyboard. You find yourself seeing or speaking with family and friends less and less because you get tired of people asking if you are ok which appears to be a kind thing to say and displays some sort of concern for you, instead it is a constant reminder that you are less and less normal. Finding no enjoyment in things you did in the past. People don’t understand, yet you keep pushing.

Today is yet a day, even though I know my wife will not see this I must say what I must. I am thankful for her for more than anyone could ever understand. Most of you think I may be living a great life but everyday is a struggle. Since I returned from the Saudi, my life has been nothing short of challenging but between wife and my mother, they seemed to keep me on track. Mom got sick as we all know and passed away. As things became harder for mom, my wife stepped up even more, to not only help me but to help mom. As most people stay so focused in there own day to day they fail to see the true struggle others are going through. I know some may not care but my wife has gone through five brain surgeries in the past six years and there will be a sixth in the future. This is not for me but I ask that you keep her in prayer through all that she is going through. I love you all, and I know everyone thinks my calm demeanor means I have it all under control but by the Grace of God she keeps me on track.

I have been sitting back and watching an injustice to our younger generation. I see the public outrage and demand for justice behind the senseless violence taking the lives of our children. There is something definitely wrong. I heard today that the next action should be that the black police officers should go out and gun down some white children. This is where the line was shattered for me. Please do not misunderstand, I am disturbed but I see it differently. It is time for us to step up and be parents to our children as well as men and women to those to whom have never had such a luxury to have. To have a role model to look up to, to help guide and mold them into productive people within society. It is time for ours and the next generation to put aside pride and understand that even though they have gone through the biological changes in life that enables them to make a baby, they are not yet ready to raise a baby. Some time ago society allowed the notion that babies having babies was acceptable, but the failure came into this concept when those babies that had the babies were still just that, Babies. History asked a question that I am sure everyone has heard, “Am I My Brothers Keeper?” At some point the answer was “YES” but now the answer is “It is not my problem” or “It is not my business”, yet when your brother is robbing you to eat and gets killed in the process can you look into his wife or children’s eyes and say “it’s not my business”.

Yes, there is a problem within our society, but the first part of the problem is us. One man may get weary in well doing alone but if he gathers an army of like minded people to move for one purpose then he is no longer one man. We have lost our way. In our communities there is a church on every other corner yet the community knows nothing about the church. We have those that now belong to fraternities and social clubs that portray the appeared belief that they are there to aide our children, seniors, widows and orphans yet the commitment, pledge or oath was taken to gain some form of status.

Maybe and I say maybe if we can get off the couch, out the club, away from you best friends girlfriend or boyfriend, or the basement of the church playing bingo and take an interest in your community, not the physical buildings but the children, teens and elders to assist in educating our youths, then maybe? Maybe our young people will learn that they are a valuable resource contributing to a successful people to whom we must depend to stop the genocide we are inflicting upon our selves. We have lost the ability to deal with a situation without becoming violent. We don’t look at our actions and consider the consequences for tomorrow. We must learn to be who we are and not what we think others want us to be. Then, in the process maybe we can find an appreciation for life as they learn to love.

If you are offended by this message then take a long hard look in the mirror and ask why are you offended? I am not singling out any individual, political party, fraternity, church or other organization, but I beg you to read and think about this then start a conversation to figure out how to fix this.

Day after day I sit trying to understand why I feel as if I do not fit in. Somedays I find myself in a conversation, as I am speaking it seems as if I am listening to someone else. I can hear the words but I don’t feel like its me speaking. Then I find myself wondering what I said. If anyone has any idea how I feel. Wondering if others are going through the same thing? I stay in pain. The headaches are getting worse and are coming more often. There are times that I would be heading to work and find myself trying to figure out where I am. It happens as I travel to the store or taking my daughter to school. Of course I have told no one. I feel like I am visiting everywhere I go. Visiting to the point of being the awkward guy at the party that nobody knows or the new kid in school. What is happening?